Lost for Words

Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I would've known
Cause I didn't kiss my mama goodbye
I didn't tell her that I loved her and how much I care
Or thank my pops for all the talks
And all the wisdom he shared

Unaware, I just did what I always do
Everyday, the same routine
Before I skate off to school
But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest
Instead of taking a test
I took two to the chest

Call me blind, but I didn't see it coming
Everybody was running
But I couldn't hear nothing
Except gun blasts, it happened so fast
I don't really know this kid
Even though I sit by him in class

Maybe this kid was reaching out for love
Or maybe for a moment
He forgot who he was
Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged
Whatever it was
I know it's because

[chorus:]
We are, We are, the youth of the nation

Little Suzy, she was only twelve
She was given the world
With every chance to excel
Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell
She might act kind of proud
But no respect for herself

She finds love in all the wrong places
The same situations
Just different faces
Changed up her pace since her daddy left her
Too bad he never told her
She deserved much better

Johnny boy always played the fool
He broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool
He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
Often thought of suicide

It's kind of hard when you ain't got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then
You cross the line and there's no turning back
Told the world how he felt
With the sound of a gat

[chorus]

Who's to blame for the lives that tragedies claim
No matter what you say
It don't take away the pain

That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies
Don't nobody know why
It's the blind leading the blind

I guess that's the way the story goes
Will it ever make sense
Somebody's got to know

There's got to be more to life than this
There's got to be more to everything
I thought exists

[chorus]

Everytime I've been reading the news lately, the above song always comes to mind:

- a suicide pact between two teenage girls
- two teenage girls killing their friend because 'they felt like it'
- 3 North Korean teenagers are in a Laotian prison facing deportation where they will face almost certain execution
- A mother, her 2 sisters and mother escaping prison for forcing two toddlers to fight each other with a folded magazine and a hairbrush. They swore and pushed the children to keep on fighting even when the kids wanted to run away

I just feel this frustration with the world I'm living in today. This is not the world I want the next generation to see. It'd be so tempting to blame God for all of this. If he's so powerful, why doesn't he stop any of this? Doesn't he care about the innocent? Doesn't he care full stop?

It's the ultimate question and I don't have the answers.

I guess it's the consequence of free will and the human condition. Everyone is a sinner and they have the freedom to make any choice they want. And the result is the world we're seeing today. As much as it hurts God, it's the price he paid to give us freedom. That's why he calls every Christian to stand and fight for the Word.

Over the last three months, I've felt this tugging in my heart to work with young people, to give them a new perspective, new insight into what life can be. To see them be something than what the world says it should be. And this is only possible through knowing God for who he really is.

Looking at the news, I have my work cut out. But with God, all things are possible

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

Continuing on from my legal themed posts, here's an amusing emails from another comrade albeit from QUT *coughs* UQ rules *coughs*

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Courtesy of Ricford Tran:

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Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

While typing up Justice Hayne's ratio for the case of Harriton v Stephens for my torts essay as any self respecting 1st year law student at UQ would do, I encountered my first ever frog, leaping around the place.

Courtesy of a fly swatter and a bucket, my dad captured the amphibian and released into the wild or our front yard to be exact.

If anything else, it broke the monotony of uni work and provided material for a blog entry, which can only be a good thing.

Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

OC 2007 has come and gone and now is the time to reflect on what I've learnt and experienced in April 6-9 in Melbourne.

To be honest, I didn't get much in terms of a greater understanding of a prophetic church or great teaching. Most of the teaching either went over my head or I was too unconscious to listen.

However, I still experienced personal breakthroughs. This in spite of night 1 of OC which has to rank as one of my lowest spiritual points where I just couldn't cope with praise and worship and had to leave. I remember sitting outside in the cold asking "what do I do now?" and "why am I even here". God's response? "go back inside" and "this is all part of the bigger picture...trust me". So the emotions of reluctance and confusion reigned supreme. However, God works in mysterious ways.

The fellowship with the Ablaze guys - man what can I say, it was an awesome experience. I don't know, there's something about 22 guys sharing a dorm, a fuseball, pool table and table tennis court that encouraged this awesome bonding (in a completely non-sus way).

The real turning point was the presbytery on Saturday. Seeing Pastor Belle and Lance (Gold Coast) and Helen and Brendan (Adelaide) up there, I don't know, just stirred something inside of me. An understanding that this is what being part of a prophetic church really means, what being a part of the CHURCH really means. Something clicked and I was wiping tears from my eyes.

Secondly, when Lisa Hong prophesised over me on Saturday night. I didn't feel an emotional high, but the change I experienced was more subtle - it was like an emergence of a new perspective in my life and the way I look at my situations.

And finally, the last personal moment came after convention when I was hanging out with 2 dear sisters in Christ in Melbourne eating at a Thai restaurant. It was memorable for the reason that it was just nice to just forget about my worries and fears and just be able to enjoy people's company.

So that sums up my experience at OC, which despite not being what I intended, still ended up fulfilling my deepest goal of being changed and being unrecognisable (albeit subtly) when I got home.

I'd leave with this one line of a song that was played at OC that really struck a chord and what I've learnt:

You give and take away, still my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name

Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

Well it's 2 days til Oceania Convention! (3rd time looking spelling Oceania). And since I'll probably forget my goals and expectations, now is a good time to do an entry before my trip to Melbourne.

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Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

Mr T Enterprises wishes Lucy and Tina Wong a very happy Birthday

Many thanks for the great memories I've had with both of you driving me home from Ablaze every Friday night. From the close brushes with the law to skidding uncontrollably for 50m, car rides home have never been the same.

Cheap jokes aside, thanks for being strong Sisters in Christ - it's good to have spiritual role models to look up to. It's good to know that I can always trust in you two to always be available whenever I'm feeling down or need guidance.

Great job with the party - I could tell a lot of effort had been expended.

I wish you girls a very happy birthday and can't wait for next year's theme party.

Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

Thought I would try to bulk up my quite lacklustre blogging stats for this month.

So where to start....

The major thing I've learnt in Introductory Microeconomics is that my lecturer does not care about the sexuality of my fridge. Always nice to know. Homophobia against kitchen appliances is always a big social no-no.

Secondly, I feel mournful about the sad loss of Market Square. If you listen closely, you can hear the sounds of Asian mothers weeping because they can no longer shop at Yuen's anymore. For me, the biggest shock was the loss of Malaya Corner - that place was like an institution for me. Oh well, goes to show that nothing lasts forever.

Week 3 of Ablaze Service is up and going and for the first time, I managed to have an awesome at this place. More in further blog entries...when I'm not too busy with tutoring, assignment prep, revision, reading, downloading info, watching videos on youtube....

Dancing in the Freedom I Know
Mr T

Does anyone hate how at Camp or at church or at OC that we're so touched, so moved by God and vow to live for God wholeheartedly, only to go back to our old sinful lives the day after?

I guess it demonstrates how a God moment is not enough to change lives - it requires a day to day commitment to live God's way. The right decisions need to be made not just when life's going great but when crunch time comes.

When it comes to changing our lives, God paves the way, opens the door, sets the foundation etc. However, after all that, the ball is in our court. We must be the ones to make the conscious decision to say no to temptation and to say yes to living in the Spirit. Otherwise, we're all talk and no action.

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

All other ground is sinking sand
A dying maze of desert land
Where darkness rules the heart of man
Till the Son shines light on him

Lord of all, show You're strong
On our knees we fall

Be a Cornerstone, be a Cornerstone
Be the Rock higher than I
Be my Fortress Wall
Be a Foundation for all
My Cornerstone

The building swaying in the wind
The towers crumble down again
This certainly will be the end
If they're not built on Him

Lord of all, show you're strong
On our knees we fall

Be a Cornerstone, be a Cornerstone
Be the Rock higher thanI
Be my Fortress Wall
Be a Foundation for all
My Cornerstone

You, You are the Builder of my heart
You held me together from the start

Be a Cornerstone, be a Cornerstone
Be the Rock higher than I
Be my Fortress Wall
Be a Foundation for all
My Cornerstone

Today has been hot. Today hasn't been a good day.

Dancing in the Freedom I know

The following items were in my bag today:

- Selected Works of Thomas Aquinas
- Butterworths Tutorial Series: Contract
- Butterworths questions and answers: contract Law
- Communication Superhighway: Social and economic change in the digital age
- 2 drink bottles
- 1 lunch box
- Lecture books for three subjects
- Case Materials for Contract Law
- Display folders for both law and economics subjects
- my organiser
- campus map
- pencil case
- 1st year Law Student Seminar Booklet

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

I love this song. It always speaks to me.

It just reminds that we're not perfect. No matter how much we try to live a holy life, try to love God and others as we love ourselves, make resolutions, make commitments to change, we will ultimately fail. We're not superheroes, just ordinary people loved by an extraordinary God.

A God who loves us, a God who's grace has found us just as we were. Sinful, rebellious, beyond redemption.

There are times when I don't believe in this fact. When I succumb to the same sin over and over and over again, when I deal with inadequacy and insecurity in my life, when my emotions threaten to take over. I feel like that I'm back at square 1 and that all of God's work has been frustrated

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Says it all I reckon

Final verdict: Less than intellectually stimulating

Listening to the same adminstrative stuff (I do not need to reminded where the libraries are 4 times) is enough to send anyone in a fit of unconsciousness.

Highlights included the mass movement of economics student from Steele Building to Student Centre

I can see it now
"The march of the economic students"

Hopefully Week 2 will pick up

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

Colossal stuff-ups. They happen in every aspect of life, not just in sport. And the ironic thing is that most of the time, they occur when the worst is seemingly over. The finish line is in sight and suddenly it all falls spectacularly apart.

It's the same in spiritual life. The biggest enemy is not always when the temptation reaches boiling point. It's when the storm has cleared and there is a tentative calm.

I face this problem. I manage to hold on through the tough times and lean on God, only to stumble when the coast was clear. I start getting cocky and thinking how impressive I managed to be. I start going my own way, forgetting about God and eventually I crash and burn.

It's so tempting to claim sole credit for any spiritual victory we achieve. We conveniently forget the amazing gift that God gave us, in order to boost our own egos. However, the moment we let our guard down, Satan is quick to pounce. I guess the key is to kick sin when it's down. When it comes to Satan, we need to fight dirty. Whether we feel spiritually alert or down, we should always go back to the Source and first love- God. It's only through him that we have victory.

Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Woot! I won a free computer mouse from the CCM stall at Market Day. I also got a free UQ bag. I'll bring it to Ablaze just to annoy the QUT people :p. 5 more days til the big day. Half nervous, half excited- can't wait

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

Discovery of the Month
Live Action Sailor Moon

I kid you not, there's now a Sailor Moon with *gasps* real people. It's as kinky and schizophrenically coloured as the anime version

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

At the moment, I'm pondering about my application to be involved with the Hope Brisbane Media Team. My cover letter is finally done and it only took 2 hours . Now onto my self written journal article. If I'm lucky, I'll get it done before the birth of my third grandchild.

For those who endured having me as a friend in Year 12, I would always angst in all my assessments. I would agonise over every sentence, analysing for the smallest pause. My friends were very graceful in putting up with me. And I guess the most galling thing is that I managed to do well in most of my tasks. If I wasn't me, I would beat me up.

I guess it boils down to this innate desire to be groundbreakingly original. Being great wasn't enough, it had to be a masterpiece, the piece de resistance of writing. Especially with anything that has to do with God. The really in depth blog entries were usually the fifth drafts. Some might say it's a desire for perfection, personally I think it's just plain annoying.

I guess I need to take a leaf out of C.S Lewis's book:

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

Ironically, this is an old email from a fellow sister. It was sent the morning after Ablaze's Battle of the Sexes. A victory for the guys if memory serves me correct :p. So here there are courtesy of Anne Woo:

*Note* They are all labelled 1 because they're all important

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T

CDS Question: What part do you like most about yourself

Mark's answer: My buns, because they're so tight

Dancing in the Freedom I know
Mr T